High FiVE ...More like low five...*sigh

So I mentioned before that my husbands family doesn't celebrate Christmas...This month is such a difficult time for me. Since  I do not share their conviction, I just respect it, it is hard for me to wrap my heart around not doing the great things I love about Christmas. Nope, not just the trees or the lights or the santa stuff...its mostly the baby Jesus stuff I miss. Like lighting the advent candles and following the advent bible studies, or setting up the Nativity and waiting for the day you can place the little baby in the manger. My daughter and I used to bake a cake together for Jesus, I really miss that.

Yall are probably thinking--well she can do the advent bible study...yess I can, and I am, but it just isn't the same without sharing it with my family. I suppose we could put out the manager at another time of the year and then back a cake too...I don't know, just doesn't feel the same.

I am not going to lie, I totally miss the whimsy of the holiday season too. I miss anticipating the delight (or terror depending on her age) in my daughter's eyes when she met Santa each year. I miss white elephant parties, beautiful lights and sentimental ornaments that each time you hang you almost go back in time to when you hung that ornament as a kid.

At church on Sunday was the first Sunday of advent, with an emphasis on the sweet baby born to live a sinless life, and to die the death of a criminal, for me. TO SAVE ME. to wash away my sin with his precious blood. A tiny little baby. I imagine being Mary and being told who her son will be...I can hardly muster through the thought without crying. As a mother I cannot comprehend watching the torture and death off my child. The story of the birth of my personal savior is just so emotional for me, I really feel like it should be celebrated--truly the most important birthday I can fathom, and I cannot celebrate it--sounds insane!

The Husband and the in laws claim that many of the traditions surrounding Christmas are secular or pagan in origin, thus celebrating his birth at this time of year is falsely worshiping Him which he instructs us not to do...I believe the Lord knows my heart,(Evidenced in Psalm 44:21"Shall God not search this out? for he knows the secrets of the heart") He knows the sincerity of my actions in worship--I mean he is Omnipresent, Omnipotent GOD, he totally knows if I am worshiping Him or the Christmas tree. I have never danced around or worshiped an evergreen. but that's a pointless argument around here...

So Juicing today was also pointless and unfulfilling...I don't tend to eat much when I am bummed out anyway, so today I didn't juice much either. I must report I am also feeling the effects of not drinking enough water today ...my mouth is super dry and I have a consistent, but small, headache. I am trying to push the water down the hatch now before heading to bed to squelch the headache, but I think it will really just take a new day and new perspective to make me feel better....anyway,  I drank a little of left over watermelon concoction this morning and a little left over apple carrot juice mid afternoon. I did try a new recipe tonight for dinner--called creamcicle. it was good--oranges, sweet potato, apples and pears. creamy and sweat. delicious.

I am sorry for the rant tonight...that's really just the tip of the ice burg, but I am glad I got to vent a little. I feel like the difficulties I face during this season are unnoticed or uncared about, so having venue to spout off a little is helpful. its difficult this month, just difficult. I know I need to really just bring this to God in prayer tonight, but its nice to write it out sometimes too. He is my all in all, my sustainer, I am sure he will give me more than enough to fill this void.

Tomorrow is day six and will be a better day, Praise the Lord.